I'm tired. I need to graduate. I need to move away. I need to start a new life. I need to focus on pleasing only myself.
I don't want to compete anymore. Not for grades, not for attention, and definitely not to be the best.
I don't want to worry about what other people think anymore. Not friends, teachers, and definitely not boys.
I don't want to carry baggage from my past anymore.
I don't want to dress to impress anymore.
I don't want to study anymore.
I don't want to be boxed in anymore. I want to express myself without fear of failure.
I don't want to be friends with my friends anymore, I don't want to live here anymore, and I don't want this life anymore.
Get me out of here!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
Why The World Doesn't Need Superman
(writer's note: I wrote this as a passive aggressive way of telling everyone how much that one guy hurt me. Because he like Superman so much, Superman represents him in this creative non-fiction piece. Since not everyone knew that about him, nobody really knows it was about him. The title is taken from an article written by Lois Lane in one of the Superman movies. So without further ado...)
I’ve always believed that Superman is inferior to many other superheroes. At first glance, Superman appears to be pretty great. He has a plethora of superpowers, he saves lives, and he has a flashy costume, but these things disguise the fact, that not only is he just an ordinary guy in a cape, but also that having the appearance of flawlessness is simply not as desirable as people believe it to be.
The mere fact that he is more or less indestructible is enough to turn me off. Face it, anytime you have a protagonist who’s only weakness is some rare rock from outer space, the plot gets real boring, real fast. Who wants to see/read about a hero who is completely unafraid of going into battle against their enemy, and is not only hopeful for a win, but is utterly and completely confident beyond all doubt that they will? And then does? Superman would be more relatable if he ran into some hard times once in a while. In addition, Superman is equipped with many, many superpowers. If he couldn’t solve a problem with his current skill set, the writers simply gave him a power that would help him do that.
Superman fights crime, but he doesn’t solve it. He is a mindless, law-upholding shell of someone who should be able to think for themself but can’t. Or won’t. What I mean is this: where another superhero would convince a criminal to drop their gun and walk away from a life of crime, Superman would rather melt that gun with his heat-vision, put the criminal behind bars, and turn them into a thug in just a few months after they are released.
Superman is not a hero. Perhaps Lois Lane said it best in Superman Returns after Superman leaves Metropolis:
"From the first day he mysteriously appeared we were enamoured. He seemed too good to be true. A man who could fly, see through walls, bend steel with his bare hands. A man who never lied. A man who could do anything he wanted to yet he chose to be a hero. He chose to fight for truth, justice and the American way, And we chose to believe. Does a hero walk out on his family? Walk away from his children? After letting us place our hopes on him, his disappearance must be seen nothing short of abandonment. We must ask our selves if Superman returned would we welcome him back? Could he heal the scars he left behind? We have learned from our bad judgement, and we are not prepared to make the same mistake again. He has lost our trust, he betrayed us. He turned his us back on us and walked away. We would have to question his motives for his return.
She then goes on to explain a real hero. The ones around us. The ones without superpowers or capes. The ones that don’t attempt to hide who they really are behind a thin disguise of a pair of glasses. Teachers, policemen, firefighters, and parents.
“Does one have to have superpowers, special abilities or incredible talent to be a considerable one? Well that's what we’ve been led to believe. We put our trust, not in God, but in Superman – In Superman We Trust. We trusted you, we all trusted you…I trusted you. Does he feel remorse, guilt or shame? Does he simply not care? Perhaps he really is a Man of Steel – cold, emotionless and hardened by his own immortality. Would he say sorry?”
She concludes by saying that it would have been better if Superman had never come at all, and I would agree with her. He was never the super man that everyone was fooled into thinking he was, and there are heroes, super and other wise, that are far superior to him. Like Batman.
...And We're Back!
It sure has been a while since I posted.
Lately I've been on a journey of self-discovery. Well...of re-self-discovery. Of re-discovering myself. Whatever. I had begun identifying myself as that one guy's other half. I was re-shaping my entire life to include him, and then suddenly he was gone. Suddenly I had to be an independent person again, and I had no idea how to do that. You don't just wake up one day and realize who you are. It's a process, not an event. So, here's how I began (note that this process may be different for you):
1. I had a realization. I hadn't done anything for myself in a long time. Everything was all about him, or about other people (teachers, friends, boss, etc.) So I made a couple days all about me. I took off work. I went to the library. I only did the things I wanted to do. I read some books, I ate junk food, and I watched (500) Days of Summer. Twice.
2. I had another realization. I didn't believe any of the bullcrap cliche's everyone was telling me. The only person I was going to believe, I realized, was myself. So immediately, I stopped all of the negative self-talk. I stopped telling myself who I wasn't and started telling myself who I was. And I told other people. It was important that I told other people how I awesome I am (the people who already knew, I didn't want to sound like I was boasting to people I barely knew). Somehow, saying it out loud made it real. My self esteem has been getting re-built, just through that simple act.
3. I don't really have a three. Mainly, it's just the continuance of these things. Doing things for myself, getting back into hobbies and things I enjoy doing, and having positive self-talk.
I really love reading (young adult fantasy lit), listening to music (Regina Spektor and She and Him are a couple favorites), listening to podcasts (check out This American Life, The Moth, and We're Alive), and sewing (Pinterest and Stumbleupon are huge time wasters, but huge inspiration boosters for crafts).
Lately I've been on a journey of self-discovery. Well...of re-self-discovery. Of re-discovering myself. Whatever. I had begun identifying myself as that one guy's other half. I was re-shaping my entire life to include him, and then suddenly he was gone. Suddenly I had to be an independent person again, and I had no idea how to do that. You don't just wake up one day and realize who you are. It's a process, not an event. So, here's how I began (note that this process may be different for you):
1. I had a realization. I hadn't done anything for myself in a long time. Everything was all about him, or about other people (teachers, friends, boss, etc.) So I made a couple days all about me. I took off work. I went to the library. I only did the things I wanted to do. I read some books, I ate junk food, and I watched (500) Days of Summer. Twice.
2. I had another realization. I didn't believe any of the bullcrap cliche's everyone was telling me. The only person I was going to believe, I realized, was myself. So immediately, I stopped all of the negative self-talk. I stopped telling myself who I wasn't and started telling myself who I was. And I told other people. It was important that I told other people how I awesome I am (the people who already knew, I didn't want to sound like I was boasting to people I barely knew). Somehow, saying it out loud made it real. My self esteem has been getting re-built, just through that simple act.
3. I don't really have a three. Mainly, it's just the continuance of these things. Doing things for myself, getting back into hobbies and things I enjoy doing, and having positive self-talk.
I really love reading (young adult fantasy lit), listening to music (Regina Spektor and She and Him are a couple favorites), listening to podcasts (check out This American Life, The Moth, and We're Alive), and sewing (Pinterest and Stumbleupon are huge time wasters, but huge inspiration boosters for crafts).
Thursday, September 29, 2011
"I am a block of wood" (And another big change)
One of my favorite movies (despite the cheesiness) is Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. There's a lot of really great lessons in it. One of the characters, Mahoney, feels stuck. Her boss, and mentor, gives her what he calls, a congreve cube. Mahoney insists it is just a block of wood. Her boss asks her what she thinks she could do with it. "I'm sure I could think of a million things to do with a block of wood," she says. "Of course there are a million things you could do with a block of wood, Mahoney, but what do you think would happen, if someone, just once, believed in it."
Of course this confused me the first time I watched it, and Mahoney too, until the end of the movie. Her friend, the "mutant" (accountant) is a disbeliever of magic through the whole movie until right at the end. He says, "Now...I believe that you can make it be anything that you want. It's you. You...are a block of wood."
She then proceeds to make all sorts of magic happen. For the first time, I am seriously considering grad school. I didn't think I was cut out for it. How could I be? But just two days ago, one of my professors, whom I greatly admire told me that I would do very well. He said he would write me a letter of recommendation, and he doesn't do that for anyone. Today he told me that he knows I would do so well, that if I wanted to stay here for grad school, he would fight for me to have a tuition waiver AND a paid assistantship. I am a block of wood. Someone believes in me, and I actually feel like maybe I could do some really great things. "What Mahoney needed was the opportunity to prove to herself that she was something more than she believed."
And that's what I need.
Of course this confused me the first time I watched it, and Mahoney too, until the end of the movie. Her friend, the "mutant" (accountant) is a disbeliever of magic through the whole movie until right at the end. He says, "Now...I believe that you can make it be anything that you want. It's you. You...are a block of wood."
She then proceeds to make all sorts of magic happen. For the first time, I am seriously considering grad school. I didn't think I was cut out for it. How could I be? But just two days ago, one of my professors, whom I greatly admire told me that I would do very well. He said he would write me a letter of recommendation, and he doesn't do that for anyone. Today he told me that he knows I would do so well, that if I wanted to stay here for grad school, he would fight for me to have a tuition waiver AND a paid assistantship. I am a block of wood. Someone believes in me, and I actually feel like maybe I could do some really great things. "What Mahoney needed was the opportunity to prove to herself that she was something more than she believed."
And that's what I need.
Big changes
Big: I got a new job
Bigger: I'm not getting married to Jarom
I will now be working for a man named Raymond Grant (google him. He's legit.) I will be doing a little marketing, a little social media management, and a little event planning. More pay. Looks better on a resume. I'll miss my co-workers.
Jarom has courageously revealed to me some major character flaws and it is in my best interest not to marry him. anger management issues, compulsive liar, pornography addict. We're still friends. Things are weird. And I hate that I can't make myself hate him for it.
UPDATE: I can now hate him for it. I have found out that he cheated on me. What a great man he is.
Bigger: I'm not getting married to Jarom
I will now be working for a man named Raymond Grant (google him. He's legit.) I will be doing a little marketing, a little social media management, and a little event planning. More pay. Looks better on a resume. I'll miss my co-workers.
Jarom has courageously revealed to me some major character flaws and it is in my best interest not to marry him. anger management issues, compulsive liar, pornography addict. We're still friends. Things are weird. And I hate that I can't make myself hate him for it.
UPDATE: I can now hate him for it. I have found out that he cheated on me. What a great man he is.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
TMI
I've never been to a lady doctor before, and I used to be terrified of going to the gynecologist. Today I say: bring it on.
Today is the one day out of every month that it is absolutely necessary for me to stay home and I can't. I have severe cramps. They are worse than most women have them. Many of my girlfriends don't even have cramps. Ever. Which is a complete injustice by the way. Mine are so bad that they interfere with my life and cause me to be unable to function, only today I am unable to stay home and lay in bed until it's over. So I'm at work. Where I cannot lay down and I must keep a smile on my face to fool everyone around me. Didn't I take something for it? Of course I did. I took four ibuprofen. It didn't help.
Cramps like these make me want to do one of two things: either punch everyone I see in the face, or curl up on the floor in the fetal position and cry. I feel like I have the right to act like a total bitch on days like this. Oh, and I swear a lot.
I'm getting married in about eight months. Before that time I will have to visit a gynecologist and get a birth control prescription. I say, if it will help my cramps, why wait? It's for me and for the safety of everyone around me.
Today is the one day out of every month that it is absolutely necessary for me to stay home and I can't. I have severe cramps. They are worse than most women have them. Many of my girlfriends don't even have cramps. Ever. Which is a complete injustice by the way. Mine are so bad that they interfere with my life and cause me to be unable to function, only today I am unable to stay home and lay in bed until it's over. So I'm at work. Where I cannot lay down and I must keep a smile on my face to fool everyone around me. Didn't I take something for it? Of course I did. I took four ibuprofen. It didn't help.
Cramps like these make me want to do one of two things: either punch everyone I see in the face, or curl up on the floor in the fetal position and cry. I feel like I have the right to act like a total bitch on days like this. Oh, and I swear a lot.
I'm getting married in about eight months. Before that time I will have to visit a gynecologist and get a birth control prescription. I say, if it will help my cramps, why wait? It's for me and for the safety of everyone around me.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Weekend Blues
The first week of school is over. It's the first real weekend without Jarom. Honestly, I didn't miss him too much during the week. I thought about him, but I didn't really have time to miss him, I was always moving on to the next thing.
It's now barely the weekend and I am feeling so depressed. Went to a comedian tonight. She was wonderful, but laughing felt like a chore. It was heavy, and when I forced myself to laugh in hopes to "fake it till ya make it", it felt unnatural and uncomfortable. So I stopped. No laughing for me. On the car ride over to my friend Melissa's house, music was playing, but singing was wrong. It just felt wrong. I couldn't bring myself to sing. That's a happy thing. I felt hungry for something that I didn't have, and probably wouldn't even know what it was if I saw it anyway. It seems that there is a gaping hole in my life. A hole that can only be filled by Jarom. Everything felt wrong tonight because it could only have been right with him beside me.
I got into my car and I cried. Not just cried. I sobbed. Loudly. To myself because there is no one to share my feelings with. The whole way to the store I cried and wondered out loud about the possible ways around this. There were few, and even those were extremely improbable. There is no way out of this. I feel completely trapped. Like I'm a hostage being held here against my will.
How can I possibly make it through this? One week down fifteen more to go. And then there's spring semester.
It's now barely the weekend and I am feeling so depressed. Went to a comedian tonight. She was wonderful, but laughing felt like a chore. It was heavy, and when I forced myself to laugh in hopes to "fake it till ya make it", it felt unnatural and uncomfortable. So I stopped. No laughing for me. On the car ride over to my friend Melissa's house, music was playing, but singing was wrong. It just felt wrong. I couldn't bring myself to sing. That's a happy thing. I felt hungry for something that I didn't have, and probably wouldn't even know what it was if I saw it anyway. It seems that there is a gaping hole in my life. A hole that can only be filled by Jarom. Everything felt wrong tonight because it could only have been right with him beside me.
I got into my car and I cried. Not just cried. I sobbed. Loudly. To myself because there is no one to share my feelings with. The whole way to the store I cried and wondered out loud about the possible ways around this. There were few, and even those were extremely improbable. There is no way out of this. I feel completely trapped. Like I'm a hostage being held here against my will.
How can I possibly make it through this? One week down fifteen more to go. And then there's spring semester.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Day 4 Without you
Dear Jarom,
Today was a good day. The best part was our Skype session. Although we had more than a couple technical difficulties, it proved to me that maybe this long distance thing won't be as bad as I thought it would be. I liked being able to see all your goofy faces and hear your voice. As ridiculous as it is that is has only been 4 days, I miss you so much. More than I ever thought I could miss another person. We're gonna make it through this.
Brenna
PS I love you more
Today was a good day. The best part was our Skype session. Although we had more than a couple technical difficulties, it proved to me that maybe this long distance thing won't be as bad as I thought it would be. I liked being able to see all your goofy faces and hear your voice. As ridiculous as it is that is has only been 4 days, I miss you so much. More than I ever thought I could miss another person. We're gonna make it through this.
Brenna
PS I love you more
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Day 2 Without you
Dear Jarom,
Things were slightly better today. I didn't miss you any less, but not so many things went wrong. I feel like a piece of me is missing. Not just a piece, but a huge part of myself. I can't wait to get that part of me back. I can't wait to have you back.
Things were slightly better today. I didn't miss you any less, but not so many things went wrong. I feel like a piece of me is missing. Not just a piece, but a huge part of myself. I can't wait to get that part of me back. I can't wait to have you back.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Day 1 Without You
Dear Jarom,
Today is the first day in this town without you. It was a rough day. The first of many I suppose. I miss you so much already. I have been so busy, but every moment I have had to stop and think is a moment that brings me back to you. I haven't cried. Much. Not as much as I thought I would. I don't think it has quite hit me yet that you are no longer a twenty-five minute drive. I feel so melancholy and I don't have much of an appetite. Each thing that has gone wrong today I blame on your absence. "If Jarom were with me this wouldn't be happening" is what I have been saying all day. I am surrounded by friends tonight, but yet I feel lonely. I keep reminding myself that it's eight months till the rest of eternity and it helps to stave off the tears.
I love you.
Brenna
Today is the first day in this town without you. It was a rough day. The first of many I suppose. I miss you so much already. I have been so busy, but every moment I have had to stop and think is a moment that brings me back to you. I haven't cried. Much. Not as much as I thought I would. I don't think it has quite hit me yet that you are no longer a twenty-five minute drive. I feel so melancholy and I don't have much of an appetite. Each thing that has gone wrong today I blame on your absence. "If Jarom were with me this wouldn't be happening" is what I have been saying all day. I am surrounded by friends tonight, but yet I feel lonely. I keep reminding myself that it's eight months till the rest of eternity and it helps to stave off the tears.
I love you.
Brenna
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Becoming Brenna
This summer has been the best summer of my life. Have I said that already? It has. There are so many reasons why this summer has been so wonderful. I've already mentioned all of the fun and exciting things I got to do over the past few months. I mean, it's nothing like travelling to Europe or skydiving or anything like that, just traditional summer type things.
All of those little somethings really add up though. And of course there are some big things that happened to me this summer.
For one thing, I became way better friends with my little sister this summer. I feel like our relationship has really been strengthened. We're not just sisters now. We're friends, and that is really important to me.
I fell in love. Yes, I've already mentioned this several times, but it is a big deal. Jarom has had a huge impact on my life. Being with him has turned me into the best version of myself. Which brings me to the next thing.
Self-improvement. You remember how at the end of the school year I felt a little lost? I felt as though my identity was sort of slipping away. Letting go of the honors program was really hard because that has been who I am the entire time I've been in college. That was all I was actually. I wasn't much more than books and honors activities. This summer has been a pathway to self-discovery. I feel a much more defined sense of self. I may not know precisely where I'm going or how I'm getting there, but I know who I am and that means so much. I'm unique. I do have talents. I may not be a superstar at any one thing in particular, but I have many skills. I know a little about a lot of things. I'm in a stable, mature relationship. I have become stronger in my religion. I know what my priorities are in life.
This summer I became Brenna. I became myself again, and actually improved on whatever was there before. I am the best me I have ever been and things are looking good. The future is not something to fear, it's something to look forward to. Meanwhile, I'll enjoy every moment of the present. Life is pretty darn good.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
A Post You Can Ignore
So. This isn't a post that is meant for your entertainment. This is a post meant to help me sort out my feelings. Feel free to stop reading. Right. Now.
Here's the basic facts: I love Jarom. I've never been in love before. I didn't realize what it does to you.
I didn't realize that love is sort of a fog around a person. In the back of your mind you know they aren't perfect, but you sort of see them as a kind of perfect. Love creates this illusion. And then over time you, of course, get to know them better. You want to. You think you want to. To know all about them. But then you learn something. It's one of their biggest flaws, and suddenly, the illusion is shattered. Your bubble is popped in an instant.
It's not that you love them any less for it. And you still believe they don't need to be perfect because nobody is, and you never expected them to be, but now that they are no longer cloaked in your fantasies, they do not, can not, and will not look the same as they did before.
Now you have to find a new way of looking at them. You have to see them as a different kind of perfect. Perfect in all their flaws and weaknesses. Perfect in all their fears and insecurities.
"He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you."
- Bob Marley
"(S)He's not perfect and you're not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other." -Good Will Hunting
Here's the basic facts: I love Jarom. I've never been in love before. I didn't realize what it does to you.
I didn't realize that love is sort of a fog around a person. In the back of your mind you know they aren't perfect, but you sort of see them as a kind of perfect. Love creates this illusion. And then over time you, of course, get to know them better. You want to. You think you want to. To know all about them. But then you learn something. It's one of their biggest flaws, and suddenly, the illusion is shattered. Your bubble is popped in an instant.
It's not that you love them any less for it. And you still believe they don't need to be perfect because nobody is, and you never expected them to be, but now that they are no longer cloaked in your fantasies, they do not, can not, and will not look the same as they did before.
Now you have to find a new way of looking at them. You have to see them as a different kind of perfect. Perfect in all their flaws and weaknesses. Perfect in all their fears and insecurities.
“Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” - Sam Keen
- Bob Marley
"(S)He's not perfect and you're not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other." -Good Will Hunting
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Summer Lovin Happened So Fast
Yes. I am in love. I know it happened fast, and believe me, being the logical person that I am I most definitely tried to talk myself out of it, but eventually I just gave in to what I was feeling.
His name is Jarom. He's amazing of course. Let me just say, that I find it very attractive when a man is respectful to women. More men should be this way.
So the title of this post is from the song Summer Nights in the musical Grease. And let me just say regarding summer nights, and summer days as well really, that this is my favorite time of year. It's fun and there's so much going on. It's exciting and everything seems better in the summer. As much as other people complain about it being warm and sticky, I don't mind it, and I prefer it to the cold winter days.
Anyway, my falling in love (for the first time ever) got me to thinking about summer flings. Why do so many people hook up in the summer time? So I did some reading.
Summer time is happy time. It's happy because of all the vitamin D we're getting, but also because the stress of school is a long distant memory.
Summer time is sexy time. Thanks to the glorious sunshine, we're all a bunch of hot messes. Guys, you're going topless whenever you can, and girls are breakin out the daisy dukes and bikinis. I guess sexy thoughts just come easier when we're all wearing less clothing.
Summer time is leisure time. We have more time for relationships. Once school starts, or whatever, we're back to real life. We have to step out of our fantasy vacation world and get back to being busy. There's less time for that person and that's why it usually ends.
Well, all I can say is, this guy is totally worth the work, and we're both agreed that when summer ends, our relationship will not.
His name is Jarom. He's amazing of course. Let me just say, that I find it very attractive when a man is respectful to women. More men should be this way.
So the title of this post is from the song Summer Nights in the musical Grease. And let me just say regarding summer nights, and summer days as well really, that this is my favorite time of year. It's fun and there's so much going on. It's exciting and everything seems better in the summer. As much as other people complain about it being warm and sticky, I don't mind it, and I prefer it to the cold winter days.
Anyway, my falling in love (for the first time ever) got me to thinking about summer flings. Why do so many people hook up in the summer time? So I did some reading.
Summer time is happy time. It's happy because of all the vitamin D we're getting, but also because the stress of school is a long distant memory.
Summer time is sexy time. Thanks to the glorious sunshine, we're all a bunch of hot messes. Guys, you're going topless whenever you can, and girls are breakin out the daisy dukes and bikinis. I guess sexy thoughts just come easier when we're all wearing less clothing.
Summer time is leisure time. We have more time for relationships. Once school starts, or whatever, we're back to real life. We have to step out of our fantasy vacation world and get back to being busy. There's less time for that person and that's why it usually ends.
Well, all I can say is, this guy is totally worth the work, and we're both agreed that when summer ends, our relationship will not.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Bugs
Summer is definitely the time for bugs. Let me give you a few examples. I'll start with the ones I hate the most. Palmetto bugs. It's southern for really big cockroach.
Yuck. And the worst part is that they fly. Sometimes we jokingly refer to them as our state bird. Anyway, these are definitely not fun.
The next kind is another undesirable type of bug, although much less terrifying. The mosquito. Simply walking into my backyard can get you roughly 20 bites from these guys. Or girls I should say since only the females suck your blood.
Yummy. But try not to worry about them too much. It's summertime and you will get bitten so put on some bug repellent and forget about it.
The next type of bug is, in my opinion, sort of cute, and much like butterflies, I don't mind having them crawl on me. Fireflies, or if you prefer: lighting bugs.
In summer, my little sister and I go out and catch as many as we can!
And lastly, and most recently is the rare (and more abstract): love bug.
Didn't see that one coming did you? Alright, so I don't know if it's love, but I sure do like this guy a lot. Tonight he took me to a Brave's game and put his arm around me during the game. Then he held my hand on the car ride home. On my front porch I thought that he was going to kiss me. A hug goodnight, and then we looked at each other. There was a tiny moment and then...another hug. It almost happened. Anyway, he's unlike anyone I've ever dated before.
Yuck. And the worst part is that they fly. Sometimes we jokingly refer to them as our state bird. Anyway, these are definitely not fun.
The next kind is another undesirable type of bug, although much less terrifying. The mosquito. Simply walking into my backyard can get you roughly 20 bites from these guys. Or girls I should say since only the females suck your blood.
Yummy. But try not to worry about them too much. It's summertime and you will get bitten so put on some bug repellent and forget about it.
The next type of bug is, in my opinion, sort of cute, and much like butterflies, I don't mind having them crawl on me. Fireflies, or if you prefer: lighting bugs.
In summer, my little sister and I go out and catch as many as we can!
And lastly, and most recently is the rare (and more abstract): love bug.
Didn't see that one coming did you? Alright, so I don't know if it's love, but I sure do like this guy a lot. Tonight he took me to a Brave's game and put his arm around me during the game. Then he held my hand on the car ride home. On my front porch I thought that he was going to kiss me. A hug goodnight, and then we looked at each other. There was a tiny moment and then...another hug. It almost happened. Anyway, he's unlike anyone I've ever dated before.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
My apologies
It has been much too long since I updated my blog. I just got caught up with summer and whatnot.
A lot has happened since I last wrote, but not as much as if I had been in school all this time. Some of the things I've done:
A lot has happened since I last wrote, but not as much as if I had been in school all this time. Some of the things I've done:
- Went to Six Flags
- Slept outside
- Been to a movie
- Shopped at yard sales, thrift stores, and Goodwill
- Went to a farmer's market
- Went on an awkward date
- Went on an awesome date
- Baked cupcakes
- Read books
- Skyped with best friend
- Cleaned my room (and promptly messed it back up again)
- Updated my wardrobe with upcycled clothing I worked on
- Babysat
- Cleaned houses for money
- Got my car fixed
- Went to the lake
- And of course, cross-country roadtrip
That's all for now. I could keep typing to make my life seem more interesting, but anyway, I just wanted to write down some of the things I did. I should really be making a better record of this awesome summer I'm having. Maybe I'll work on that today. I also need to find a job, but with only two months to work, I have little motivation.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
We made it!
I have finished taking all my finals. All that's left now is to pack up and move out.
This has been an interesting semester for me. My patience has been tried. I feel a little stronger, a little braver, and I feel humbled. This semester certainly has broken me down a few times to the point where I couldn't fix things all by myself and I had to ask for help. It has never been that I feel too good for the help of others, simply that I don't want to put them out by requiring their assistance.
Many of my relationships with people have been strengthened, and others I have seen the need to work harder for.
As this school year draws to a close, it has really stirred up feelings in me that are unexpected. For the past few months I have been feeling the senioritis big time, and I'm only a Junior. I have felt anxious to be done with school. I've been so sick of classes and homework, and the dating life in Utah (which is impossible for me). There's things: people, places, events, that I just want to leave behind. But as the end of this week has gotten nearer and nearer, I have been realizing that I really do only have one year left, and that it's not all entirely a good thing.
My best friend in the whole world, Marqi, and I have only known each other for a little over a year. In that time we have hardly been separated. We both keep saying how we only have a few more days with each other until we're separated for summer. It makes us both sad, but I believe that the real reason we're sad is that we know that in a year's time, we will be feeling this same way, only I won't be coming back after summer. The goodbyes we say this week a just a preview of the things we'll be feeling next year.
In addition to Marqi, I have really become close to a lot of the professors and staff members in my department. I'll have to say goodbye to them as well next year. It's hard when they've had such a big impact on my life. Not just through their lectures, but through the relationships we've built outside of class as well.
So while I am moving out of my apartment this week, I will be happy that I have one year left. Only one more year of classes and tests. One more glorious year I have with my friends. And you can be sure that next year I will soak in every moment, and take as many pictures to preserve the memories as I possibly can.
This has been an interesting semester for me. My patience has been tried. I feel a little stronger, a little braver, and I feel humbled. This semester certainly has broken me down a few times to the point where I couldn't fix things all by myself and I had to ask for help. It has never been that I feel too good for the help of others, simply that I don't want to put them out by requiring their assistance.
Many of my relationships with people have been strengthened, and others I have seen the need to work harder for.
As this school year draws to a close, it has really stirred up feelings in me that are unexpected. For the past few months I have been feeling the senioritis big time, and I'm only a Junior. I have felt anxious to be done with school. I've been so sick of classes and homework, and the dating life in Utah (which is impossible for me). There's things: people, places, events, that I just want to leave behind. But as the end of this week has gotten nearer and nearer, I have been realizing that I really do only have one year left, and that it's not all entirely a good thing.
My best friend in the whole world, Marqi, and I have only known each other for a little over a year. In that time we have hardly been separated. We both keep saying how we only have a few more days with each other until we're separated for summer. It makes us both sad, but I believe that the real reason we're sad is that we know that in a year's time, we will be feeling this same way, only I won't be coming back after summer. The goodbyes we say this week a just a preview of the things we'll be feeling next year.
In addition to Marqi, I have really become close to a lot of the professors and staff members in my department. I'll have to say goodbye to them as well next year. It's hard when they've had such a big impact on my life. Not just through their lectures, but through the relationships we've built outside of class as well.
So while I am moving out of my apartment this week, I will be happy that I have one year left. Only one more year of classes and tests. One more glorious year I have with my friends. And you can be sure that next year I will soak in every moment, and take as many pictures to preserve the memories as I possibly can.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Here's my problem with pop culture:
Pop culture itself isn't the problem. Those who subscribe to it are.
Let me explain. While they are very mainstream, and I don't like them as people, music artists like Lady Gaga and Kesha have found their way onto my Zune (for those of you unfamiliar, Zune is Micrsoft's response to the iPod) because their songs are catchy and I enjoy them.
I also have a number of other artists in my music collection, many of them I doubt any of my friends have even heard of. I like A Fine Frenzy, Kate Nash, She and Him, Eel, The Knocks, and The Like just to name a few. Their's is music I really love and really fits my personal style.
So here's the problem then...many people are just sheep following the masses. If it's on the American Top 40 they like it, and they also make no attempt to discover their own taste in music. Here's an example. When I was 11, I LOVED ABBA music. Loved it. Granted, it had already been discovered by many other people...in the eighties...when I hadn't been born. Years later when I got to college, a movie called Mamma Mia was released, a movie based on the music of ABBA. Suddenly all of my friends were into the music I had been obsessed with and gotten over years before.
This pattern has repeated throughout my life. My problem with pop culture is that it determines what people are interested in rather than people choosing for themselves what they are interested in and determining pop culture.
Pop culture itself isn't the problem. Those who subscribe to it are.
Let me explain. While they are very mainstream, and I don't like them as people, music artists like Lady Gaga and Kesha have found their way onto my Zune (for those of you unfamiliar, Zune is Micrsoft's response to the iPod) because their songs are catchy and I enjoy them.
I also have a number of other artists in my music collection, many of them I doubt any of my friends have even heard of. I like A Fine Frenzy, Kate Nash, She and Him, Eel, The Knocks, and The Like just to name a few. Their's is music I really love and really fits my personal style.
So here's the problem then...many people are just sheep following the masses. If it's on the American Top 40 they like it, and they also make no attempt to discover their own taste in music. Here's an example. When I was 11, I LOVED ABBA music. Loved it. Granted, it had already been discovered by many other people...in the eighties...when I hadn't been born. Years later when I got to college, a movie called Mamma Mia was released, a movie based on the music of ABBA. Suddenly all of my friends were into the music I had been obsessed with and gotten over years before.
This pattern has repeated throughout my life. My problem with pop culture is that it determines what people are interested in rather than people choosing for themselves what they are interested in and determining pop culture.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Blog makeover
In honor of spring/summer, I have updated my blog background courtesy of Cutest Blog on the Block. This is seriously one of my favorite websites. They have all sorts of free stuff for your blog. Y'all should check it out :)
Today is a day of happiness
AWESOME:
I am done going to classes! Well...this semester anyway.
Next week is finals, and while I still have a lot to do in preparation for leaving Cedar City for the summer, almost none of it involves homework, and I have no more classes to attend.
It was really stressful there for a while. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it, but here I am.
Now I can say goodbye to the classes I didn't like, goodbye to douchey guys, and goodbye to this small town.
Now I have to say goodbye to classes I loved, goodbye to friends I'll miss, and goodbye to my beautiful southern Utah.
AWKWARD:
Actually not as much awkward as embarrassing. Yesterday, one of my favorite teachers (we work in the same office suite) asked me if I had eaten. (I hadn't because I often am too busy or forget to eat). I told him no and he said I looked like I was going to pass out and told me he was going to buy me some food. How nice! But I did feel a little embarrassed and told him he didn't have to buy me anything. He bought me pretzels and juice anyway. There are some really great teachers here.
Anyway, sorry for the boring post. Just wanted to update the world wide web on my life.
I am done going to classes! Well...this semester anyway.
Next week is finals, and while I still have a lot to do in preparation for leaving Cedar City for the summer, almost none of it involves homework, and I have no more classes to attend.
It was really stressful there for a while. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it, but here I am.
Now I can say goodbye to the classes I didn't like, goodbye to douchey guys, and goodbye to this small town.
Now I have to say goodbye to classes I loved, goodbye to friends I'll miss, and goodbye to my beautiful southern Utah.
AWKWARD:
Actually not as much awkward as embarrassing. Yesterday, one of my favorite teachers (we work in the same office suite) asked me if I had eaten. (I hadn't because I often am too busy or forget to eat). I told him no and he said I looked like I was going to pass out and told me he was going to buy me some food. How nice! But I did feel a little embarrassed and told him he didn't have to buy me anything. He bought me pretzels and juice anyway. There are some really great teachers here.
Anyway, sorry for the boring post. Just wanted to update the world wide web on my life.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
I have the best family ever. It's official.
So lately, all of my journal entries have tended to look a lot like this:
Today was a hard day. I have lots of homework. I'm really stressed. I wish I was dead.
Just joking about that last sentence. But the point is that what I write has been filled with stress and wishing for the summer to be here. Like now. This coming week is going to be the most intense part before the semester ends, and I'm dreading it.
But then my mom called me. I've been feeling pretty homesick, so of course I answered. She asked me what I'm doing next weekend (Easter weekend, three day weekend, Brenna stays at the apartment alone weekend), "nothing," I said. Then she asked me how I would like it if she bought me a plane ticket and I came home.
I burst into tears of happiness. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. I have been desperately needing to see my family. It's a long weekend, so no classes missed. It gives me something to look forward to. AND it's that last weekend for me to see a building that is religiously important to me before it closes to the public. All I could do was cry and thank her.
My family is great. They get better. My dear little sister Macy, who is 16, interrupted my mother on the phone to give her all the cash she has to help pay for my ticket. I asked my mom if Macy was sure, and she put her on the phone so I could ask her myself. "Yeah! I miss you and I love you and I just want you to be able to come home this weekend." More crying.
Even now, I don't know what to say. I'm just so happy and excited. I have a renewed sense of energy, and getting through a few more pages of these essays I have to write is going to be so much easier.
I love my family.
Today was a hard day. I have lots of homework. I'm really stressed. I wish I was dead.
Just joking about that last sentence. But the point is that what I write has been filled with stress and wishing for the summer to be here. Like now. This coming week is going to be the most intense part before the semester ends, and I'm dreading it.
But then my mom called me. I've been feeling pretty homesick, so of course I answered. She asked me what I'm doing next weekend (Easter weekend, three day weekend, Brenna stays at the apartment alone weekend), "nothing," I said. Then she asked me how I would like it if she bought me a plane ticket and I came home.
I burst into tears of happiness. The timing couldn't have been more perfect. I have been desperately needing to see my family. It's a long weekend, so no classes missed. It gives me something to look forward to. AND it's that last weekend for me to see a building that is religiously important to me before it closes to the public. All I could do was cry and thank her.
My family is great. They get better. My dear little sister Macy, who is 16, interrupted my mother on the phone to give her all the cash she has to help pay for my ticket. I asked my mom if Macy was sure, and she put her on the phone so I could ask her myself. "Yeah! I miss you and I love you and I just want you to be able to come home this weekend." More crying.
Even now, I don't know what to say. I'm just so happy and excited. I have a renewed sense of energy, and getting through a few more pages of these essays I have to write is going to be so much easier.
I love my family.
Friday, April 8, 2011
A-B-C
It's sort of a lazy Friday, so I decided to copy this idea from one of the blogs I follow!
A= Available - I sure am haha
B= Best Friend - Marqi!
C= Cake or pie - Cake is superior to pie. And cupcakes are even better :)
D= Drink of choice - Cherry coke. Southern girl through and through.
E= Essential item you use everyday - My cellphone. It's like another part of my body.
F= Favorite color - I love pink, but lately I'm noticing a lot more purple in my life.
G= Gummy bears or worms - Gummy bears. And I always bite the heads off first haha
H= Hometown - Although I wasn't born in Woodstock, GA I should have been!
I= Indulgences - Oh so many. I love Edward's Hershey's pie.
J= January or February - February, my birth month!
K= Kids and Names - No kids. Ever. Child birth is scary!
L= Life is incomplete without? - My family. Life would be awful without them!
M= Marriage date - Not for a long time. I'm still single, much to the dismay of my Mormon culture.
N= Number of siblings - 1 brother, Dallin, and 1 sister, Macy. Both younger.
O= Oranges or apples - Oh my goodness. I love oranges. They're currently an obsession.
P= Phobias or Fears - No thanks.
Q= Favorite Quote - "Life is an occasion, rise to it" (Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium)
R= Reason to smile - 26 more days till summer vacation!
S= Season - Spring/Summer. I like it when it's warm :)
T= Tag 3 or 4 people - Tag yourself.
U= Unknown fact about me - I have cried in my professor's offices to get sympathy for my grades.
V= Vegetable you don't like - Spinach. It's yucky! Also, peas :(
W= Worst habit - Biting my nails.
X= X-rays - Had one after passing out to make sure nothing was wrong with my neck after hitting the floor. Then I had another one on my foot after getting a dance injury.
Y= Your favorite food - I'm not too picky. Greasy burgers and fries, sushi, chocolate (and any of its variations) are just a few things I enjoy.
Z= Zodiac Sign - Aquarius.
It's been a while since I added a picture of myself, so here I am playing my ukulele :)
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Ladies Night
Okay, here's one for you--a great example of failing spectacularly.
Controversy can give you great publicity. That was the case for the Electronic Dance Music club on my campus this past weekend when they promoted their "All Out Dance" where women were given free admission if they were wearing a bikini.
For girls not wearing a bikini, the cost was $2, and for males the cost was $5. The really ironic part of this dance was that it was on the Friday after Women's Week, hosted my university.
Here's where the controversy comes in, and keep in mind that their are actually two big reasons why people were so angry. The first reason was that it was after Women's Week, a week to celebrate women and how far they've come, and the EDM club's bikini dance was simply objectifying women and "promoting stereotypes about men." (<---from suunews.com).
The other reason people were upset was that it was gender discrimination. Women could get in for $2 even if they weren't wearing a bikini, but men were required to pay $5 regardless.
Here's how I see it, the argument that women are being objectified really holds no water. If a woman owns a bikini, she obviously already wears it in public. So it doesn't really matter if it's at a public swimming pool, a beach in Mexico, or a ladies night promotion, if she is being "objectified" she's doing it to herself. No one made her buy that bikini.
The second argument is really where there is some substance. Although it is not unconstitutional for a non-state entity to discriminate based on gender, that doesn't necessarily make it right. You would be outraged if McDonald's charged your sister less for her Big Mac simply because she is a woman. The whole nation would be up in arms if the discrimination was in the reverse direction, and even more outraged if it was something like race. Remember the Civil War? On the other hand, Ladies Night is a brilliant promotion for clubs and bars hoping to bring more gentlemen out. It makes for a competitive market, and I simply don't agree with the government over-regulating our capitalist economy.
My bottom line is this, the EDM club had every right to plan the event they planned. And my peers and I had every right to choose not to participate. What do you think?
Controversy can give you great publicity. That was the case for the Electronic Dance Music club on my campus this past weekend when they promoted their "All Out Dance" where women were given free admission if they were wearing a bikini.
For girls not wearing a bikini, the cost was $2, and for males the cost was $5. The really ironic part of this dance was that it was on the Friday after Women's Week, hosted my university.
Here's where the controversy comes in, and keep in mind that their are actually two big reasons why people were so angry. The first reason was that it was after Women's Week, a week to celebrate women and how far they've come, and the EDM club's bikini dance was simply objectifying women and "promoting stereotypes about men." (<---from suunews.com).
The other reason people were upset was that it was gender discrimination. Women could get in for $2 even if they weren't wearing a bikini, but men were required to pay $5 regardless.
Here's how I see it, the argument that women are being objectified really holds no water. If a woman owns a bikini, she obviously already wears it in public. So it doesn't really matter if it's at a public swimming pool, a beach in Mexico, or a ladies night promotion, if she is being "objectified" she's doing it to herself. No one made her buy that bikini.
The second argument is really where there is some substance. Although it is not unconstitutional for a non-state entity to discriminate based on gender, that doesn't necessarily make it right. You would be outraged if McDonald's charged your sister less for her Big Mac simply because she is a woman. The whole nation would be up in arms if the discrimination was in the reverse direction, and even more outraged if it was something like race. Remember the Civil War? On the other hand, Ladies Night is a brilliant promotion for clubs and bars hoping to bring more gentlemen out. It makes for a competitive market, and I simply don't agree with the government over-regulating our capitalist economy.
My bottom line is this, the EDM club had every right to plan the event they planned. And my peers and I had every right to choose not to participate. What do you think?
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Sexual Harassment
A boy in my class has been sexually harassing me all semester and I didn't realize it until last night.
He asked me to perform sexual favors for him and makes comments about my body. It's true. The first time he asked I didn't so much care. I told him no and I thought that was it. It was the persistence that really bothers me.
Here's the thing though. I know you might be thinking that this is an easy situation to get out of, but it just isn't. You see, sadly, I've dealt with many boys like this before and I know what will happen. If I say anything to him, or to anyone else, he and his friends will classify me as a bitch. Which wouldn't be so bad if I never had to see him again. I've been called a bitch before, and I'm over it. What really makes this a sticky situation is that we are stuck in a class together and we have the same major, meaning we will indefinitely see each other again, and he will make life miserable for me.
Everyone makes it sound so easy to deal with sexual harassment, but those are the people that have never dealt with it themselves.
He asked me to perform sexual favors for him and makes comments about my body. It's true. The first time he asked I didn't so much care. I told him no and I thought that was it. It was the persistence that really bothers me.
Here's the thing though. I know you might be thinking that this is an easy situation to get out of, but it just isn't. You see, sadly, I've dealt with many boys like this before and I know what will happen. If I say anything to him, or to anyone else, he and his friends will classify me as a bitch. Which wouldn't be so bad if I never had to see him again. I've been called a bitch before, and I'm over it. What really makes this a sticky situation is that we are stuck in a class together and we have the same major, meaning we will indefinitely see each other again, and he will make life miserable for me.
Everyone makes it sound so easy to deal with sexual harassment, but those are the people that have never dealt with it themselves.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Shocking Realization
I am no longer interested in the degree I am pursuing. At all. I find no enjoyment in my classes anymore. It scares me. Is it because I am really not interested in my major anymore? Or is it just that I'm worn out from all this school and am in desperate need of a break?
I just don't want to do anymore school. I at least need a change in my classes. I'm tired of talking about the same things and it's all I can do get through my classes each day. Sometimes I am able to pay attention, and other times I really struggle. I can't do this anymore. I need time to be me.
Am I the only one that feels this way?
I just don't want to do anymore school. I at least need a change in my classes. I'm tired of talking about the same things and it's all I can do get through my classes each day. Sometimes I am able to pay attention, and other times I really struggle. I can't do this anymore. I need time to be me.
Am I the only one that feels this way?
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Spring Break
Wow! It sure has been a long time since I've written. Haven't had a lot to say I guess.
Well, it's spring break this week at my university. I haven't done anything wild or gone anywhere like San Diego, Mexico, or Cancun, but I sure have been enjoying myself here. It's nice and quiet and there's nothing I absolutely have to do. It's nice just to stay at home and relax. A staycation. Because let's face it, although all of those destination spring breaks are exciting, vacations are rarely that relaxing. Travel wears you out and you expend a lot of energy during the day and when you get home, you are not at all ready for Monday. I, on the other hand, am already completely rested, and am now able to be productive and get some things accomplished before Monday rolls back around and obligations reappear.
In other news, I got my poor little car back on Saturday and she's better than ever. I even got a new stereo put in ($50, just for the stereo, at Wal-Mart) with an auxiliary port for my zune. Totally worth the money. I would definitely recommend doing it.
Yesterday I went to Wal-Mart (yep, that's totally the place to be) and...well imagine if you gave a six-year-old your debit card. I bought snacks and candy and lunchables.
The other night I ordered sushi, which is one of my favorite things to do, and it's a rare treat. I figured that since I'm not going anywhere, I should be able to spend a little money on myself right here in Cedar City.
Tonight I am helping with an event called Founder's Day. I'll probably just end up being an usher or something, but I like the environment at events like this. I like to be a part of making something happen, so that will be fun.
Still to come later in the week is going to a movie by myself, taking a trip to Boomers for the world's best truffles, and apartment hunting with my BFF.
So no, I haven't gone anywhere, but like I said, I am having such a good time just chilling at home. Happy Spring Break!
Well, it's spring break this week at my university. I haven't done anything wild or gone anywhere like San Diego, Mexico, or Cancun, but I sure have been enjoying myself here. It's nice and quiet and there's nothing I absolutely have to do. It's nice just to stay at home and relax. A staycation. Because let's face it, although all of those destination spring breaks are exciting, vacations are rarely that relaxing. Travel wears you out and you expend a lot of energy during the day and when you get home, you are not at all ready for Monday. I, on the other hand, am already completely rested, and am now able to be productive and get some things accomplished before Monday rolls back around and obligations reappear.
In other news, I got my poor little car back on Saturday and she's better than ever. I even got a new stereo put in ($50, just for the stereo, at Wal-Mart) with an auxiliary port for my zune. Totally worth the money. I would definitely recommend doing it.
Yesterday I went to Wal-Mart (yep, that's totally the place to be) and...well imagine if you gave a six-year-old your debit card. I bought snacks and candy and lunchables.
The other night I ordered sushi, which is one of my favorite things to do, and it's a rare treat. I figured that since I'm not going anywhere, I should be able to spend a little money on myself right here in Cedar City.
Tonight I am helping with an event called Founder's Day. I'll probably just end up being an usher or something, but I like the environment at events like this. I like to be a part of making something happen, so that will be fun.
Still to come later in the week is going to a movie by myself, taking a trip to Boomers for the world's best truffles, and apartment hunting with my BFF.
So no, I haven't gone anywhere, but like I said, I am having such a good time just chilling at home. Happy Spring Break!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Excellent!
That's what I say now when people ask how I am.
It took a bit of practice at first, but I think I've mastered it now. See, when people ask how you are, they either don't wait to listen to your answer or they just don't care. So the answer you give isn't for them. It's for you. Before, my answer was most often, "fine." That's alright. Nothing negative about that, but next time someone asks you the question, "How are you?" Reply with a resolute and cheerful "excellent!" Not only will it make you feel better, but it often shakes people out of routine and you'll get some great reactions.
When I first began doing this I had to make a conscious effort to do so. Now it's second nature. I sometimes don't even realize I've done it. I could be having a terrible day and this is what happens:
"How are you?"
"Excellent!"
"Oh really? Why?"
And then I realize that I don't have a reason to be feeling excellent. I've only been feeling excellent because I have made up my mind to be.
Of course you can switch it up. Fantastic and awesome work just as well. The important part is that you're happy and positive. Pretty soon, you will be.
It took a bit of practice at first, but I think I've mastered it now. See, when people ask how you are, they either don't wait to listen to your answer or they just don't care. So the answer you give isn't for them. It's for you. Before, my answer was most often, "fine." That's alright. Nothing negative about that, but next time someone asks you the question, "How are you?" Reply with a resolute and cheerful "excellent!" Not only will it make you feel better, but it often shakes people out of routine and you'll get some great reactions.
When I first began doing this I had to make a conscious effort to do so. Now it's second nature. I sometimes don't even realize I've done it. I could be having a terrible day and this is what happens:
"How are you?"
"Excellent!"
"Oh really? Why?"
And then I realize that I don't have a reason to be feeling excellent. I've only been feeling excellent because I have made up my mind to be.
Of course you can switch it up. Fantastic and awesome work just as well. The important part is that you're happy and positive. Pretty soon, you will be.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
"I'm so glad you're okay"
This was the phrase I heard over and over again yesterday. I was in a car accident. A lady of about 55 named Bertina hit my car. She seemed to come out over nowhere and before I knew it, glass from my driver's side window was everywhere. It happened so fast, but it also seemed to move in slow motion. I couldn't believe what had just happened to me.
I still maintain that it was definitely her fault, but I'm the one who was issued a citation, got the worst damage and only have liability insurance. I can't afford the repairs on my car. Luckily, my dad, though also poor, always comes to my rescue and is paying for the damages done to my car, which you can see in this picture.
I was quite distraught and I am still in shock over the whole situation. It doesn't even seem real. I'm sore but I'm mostly concerned about my car. My first thoughts after being hit were about how much it would cost. I'm not sure I even thought about how lucky we were that we were okay. I didn't even ask my friend seated in the passenger seat if she was okay. I didn't see it as fortunate that we were unharmed. I could only think about the money. It's sort of disturbing. I don't know. Sorry my thoughts are everywhere, I think I'm still a little shaken up about it.
I still maintain that it was definitely her fault, but I'm the one who was issued a citation, got the worst damage and only have liability insurance. I can't afford the repairs on my car. Luckily, my dad, though also poor, always comes to my rescue and is paying for the damages done to my car, which you can see in this picture.
I was quite distraught and I am still in shock over the whole situation. It doesn't even seem real. I'm sore but I'm mostly concerned about my car. My first thoughts after being hit were about how much it would cost. I'm not sure I even thought about how lucky we were that we were okay. I didn't even ask my friend seated in the passenger seat if she was okay. I didn't see it as fortunate that we were unharmed. I could only think about the money. It's sort of disturbing. I don't know. Sorry my thoughts are everywhere, I think I'm still a little shaken up about it.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
21
Today is my 21st birthday. It's a little hard to believe actually. I've come a long way, had a lot of adventures, made a lot of friends, made a lot of mistakes, had a lot of success, and here I am. An adult. Wow.
21 things I am thankful for:
21. Birthdays. What could be better than a day all about me? Or you, if it's your birthday. But mostly I like my birthday.
20. Springtime. After winter, I sure am grateful for spring.
19. Kitchens. It was a tough time without you dearest kitchen while I lived in Juniper and had to eat at the caf every day even when I was already sick, but we have been reunited and I swear I'll never leave you again.
18. Karaoke machines. Thank you for giving me and my roommates some good times. A special thank you to Carly Simon's "You're so Vain."
17. Pictures. What a great way to preserve memories and provide some laughs on your 21st birthday when you consider all of the terrible haircuts you've had through the years.
16. I'd like to say a special thank you to staples and staplers. Thank you for the many years of holding my papers together.
15. The south. Everything about the south is awesome. (Sorry to those of you who aren't southern, we can't all be awesome.)
14. I am thankful for air. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be here without it.
13. Purses. What a wonderful things! And they're pretty :)
12. My cellphone. I know what you're thinking! But I really wouldn't have been able to survive without it! 2000 miles from home, breaking down (twice on the freeway...in Utah), and getting lost are just a few of the reasons that my phone is so great!
11. The lightbulb. Thank you Mr. Edison for contributing to my education and happiness with this wonderful invention.
10. Soap. Thank you for keeping me clean and smelling yummy. I wouldn't have had any dates if it weren't for soap ;)
9. Chocolate. Nuff said.
8. Gerard Butler. Thank you for being the object of desire for me and my friends for many years now. Also for taking your shirt off a lot.
7. My planner. Yes, I'm a nerd, but I can't survive without my planner!
6. Music!
5. Cake. Yes, I think I would be ungrateful if I didn't mention it. Thanks for getting me through some hard times, Cake.
4. My car. Dear Roxanne, although we've only known each other for a short time, I am so grateful for you! My car and I have been through a lot together. We're even similar to each other, she has a lot of issues, she keeps going until she completely breaks down and then keeps going some more, likes to travel, kinda noisy, and is always drawing attention to herself (good and bad.)
3. Learning. It's so important! And regardless of what I may have thought about school when I was younger, it is actually a lot of fun (although, admittedly, hard work).
2. Friends. Past and present. Good and bad. Y'all have made me who I am today.
1. My family. I couldn't have made it this far without them. They've always been there for me and built me up when I didn't feel like I could carry on. Thank you all so much!
21 things I am thankful for:
21. Birthdays. What could be better than a day all about me? Or you, if it's your birthday. But mostly I like my birthday.
20. Springtime. After winter, I sure am grateful for spring.
19. Kitchens. It was a tough time without you dearest kitchen while I lived in Juniper and had to eat at the caf every day even when I was already sick, but we have been reunited and I swear I'll never leave you again.
18. Karaoke machines. Thank you for giving me and my roommates some good times. A special thank you to Carly Simon's "You're so Vain."
17. Pictures. What a great way to preserve memories and provide some laughs on your 21st birthday when you consider all of the terrible haircuts you've had through the years.
16. I'd like to say a special thank you to staples and staplers. Thank you for the many years of holding my papers together.
15. The south. Everything about the south is awesome. (Sorry to those of you who aren't southern, we can't all be awesome.)
14. I am thankful for air. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be here without it.
13. Purses. What a wonderful things! And they're pretty :)
12. My cellphone. I know what you're thinking! But I really wouldn't have been able to survive without it! 2000 miles from home, breaking down (twice on the freeway...in Utah), and getting lost are just a few of the reasons that my phone is so great!
11. The lightbulb. Thank you Mr. Edison for contributing to my education and happiness with this wonderful invention.
10. Soap. Thank you for keeping me clean and smelling yummy. I wouldn't have had any dates if it weren't for soap ;)
9. Chocolate. Nuff said.
8. Gerard Butler. Thank you for being the object of desire for me and my friends for many years now. Also for taking your shirt off a lot.
7. My planner. Yes, I'm a nerd, but I can't survive without my planner!
6. Music!
5. Cake. Yes, I think I would be ungrateful if I didn't mention it. Thanks for getting me through some hard times, Cake.
4. My car. Dear Roxanne, although we've only known each other for a short time, I am so grateful for you! My car and I have been through a lot together. We're even similar to each other, she has a lot of issues, she keeps going until she completely breaks down and then keeps going some more, likes to travel, kinda noisy, and is always drawing attention to herself (good and bad.)
3. Learning. It's so important! And regardless of what I may have thought about school when I was younger, it is actually a lot of fun (although, admittedly, hard work).
2. Friends. Past and present. Good and bad. Y'all have made me who I am today.
1. My family. I couldn't have made it this far without them. They've always been there for me and built me up when I didn't feel like I could carry on. Thank you all so much!
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
RIP Lola
Today, my fish died.
I woke up and she was just lying on her back on the bottom of the bowl. Not moving. I couldn't get her to move either so for those of you doubting that she's actually dead because she wasn't belly up on the top of the bowl, you are wrong. She's dead.
I don't know whether to make jokes about it or be terribly terribly sad. I know she's just a fish, but she was my only companion through a lot of the most challenging of my college experiences.
The real question though is whether or not I should buy a new one. I've been through three animal deaths since coming to college (not to mention the poor little squirrel I hit on the way back from Grandma's house). That's like one a year. Should I even bother? I do like pets. I did like feeding her every day and watching her swim happily around her little bowl while I did homework.
I woke up and she was just lying on her back on the bottom of the bowl. Not moving. I couldn't get her to move either so for those of you doubting that she's actually dead because she wasn't belly up on the top of the bowl, you are wrong. She's dead.
I don't know whether to make jokes about it or be terribly terribly sad. I know she's just a fish, but she was my only companion through a lot of the most challenging of my college experiences.
The real question though is whether or not I should buy a new one. I've been through three animal deaths since coming to college (not to mention the poor little squirrel I hit on the way back from Grandma's house). That's like one a year. Should I even bother? I do like pets. I did like feeding her every day and watching her swim happily around her little bowl while I did homework.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Let them eat (wedding) cake
I went to a wedding this past weekend for one of my closest friends. I smiled, congratulated, complimented, laughed, and did all the things you're supposed to do. No matter how hard I tried however, I couldn't possibly make myself feel the way inside that I expressed on the outside.
I felt so bitter. So frustrated. But these feelings weren't directed toward the bride or the groom. I wasn't bitter that she was the one getting married and I wasn't. I was frustrated because I was still single. And that isn't even it either. I am fine being single. I love it actually. I have all the time I want for me and my interests and I don't have to schedule myself around another person. I don't have to feel guilty for being too busy to spend time with them. I'm not tied down. I can check out guys and not have to worry about upsetting a boyfriend.
So why do I feel bitter about this? Okay, how do I put this without criticizing men as a group? I am happy being single until one of two types of guys come along.
1. He's a complete douche. And that's not criticizing men as a group. Some guys are like this, and I'm treating them as individuals. They play games. Games that I'm forced to play along with even though I know their intentions are less than honorable. Even though I know they're a minority, they make me lose a little faith in men in general and I'm sick of dealing with them.
2. He's a great guy, one in a million, and we have so much in common. I hope for the best. It doesn't happen. I worry that there are only a limited number of men like this, I am let down when it doesn't work out, and I'm sick of dealing with the situation.
I hate going through these cycles. That's why I am bitter. Men: leave me alone. I love being single and it probably won't work out anyway. I was fine until y'all came along.
I felt so bitter. So frustrated. But these feelings weren't directed toward the bride or the groom. I wasn't bitter that she was the one getting married and I wasn't. I was frustrated because I was still single. And that isn't even it either. I am fine being single. I love it actually. I have all the time I want for me and my interests and I don't have to schedule myself around another person. I don't have to feel guilty for being too busy to spend time with them. I'm not tied down. I can check out guys and not have to worry about upsetting a boyfriend.
So why do I feel bitter about this? Okay, how do I put this without criticizing men as a group? I am happy being single until one of two types of guys come along.
1. He's a complete douche. And that's not criticizing men as a group. Some guys are like this, and I'm treating them as individuals. They play games. Games that I'm forced to play along with even though I know their intentions are less than honorable. Even though I know they're a minority, they make me lose a little faith in men in general and I'm sick of dealing with them.
2. He's a great guy, one in a million, and we have so much in common. I hope for the best. It doesn't happen. I worry that there are only a limited number of men like this, I am let down when it doesn't work out, and I'm sick of dealing with the situation.
I hate going through these cycles. That's why I am bitter. Men: leave me alone. I love being single and it probably won't work out anyway. I was fine until y'all came along.
Why I refuse to take any part in Black History Month
Okay, obviously I'm not black, but this month is shoved in everybody's faces no matter what color your skin is. What I am about to say may offend a lot of people, but I don't care. It's as simple as that. Black History month is stupid.
Why would I say this? No basis of fact? No supporting argument? Just wait.
The purpose of black history month (hereafter known as BHM) is to what? Make things fair after that whole slavery thing, as sort of an apology, a making amends? Is it to increase knowledge of the injustices in their past in people of other races? Neither of these seem like a good reason to me, or to Morgan Freeman (and he's black). Watch this clip, and then let's talk some more.
Black history is American history. Well said Mr. Freeman. Here's the thing everybody. Y'all want to get rid of racism. I think we can all agree that this is a worthy goal. Stop perpetuating it by segregating the months. Stop calling each other black and white. For those of you who are black, stop calling each other "niggers." If it is insulting when those of other races call you that, it should be just as insulting coming out of the mouth of one of your "brothers." Stop talking about how "the man" is holding you down, you hold yourself down. Racism is perpetuated by YOU and you don't even want to see it, because it's easier to blame white people for something that happened over a hundred years ago. It's easier to say that someone else is holding you back than to get off your lazy asses, get off welfare, and get a job and an education.
Yes, I understand that it is a hard life in homes located in the ghetto where you have abusive parents, and bad things happening all around you, but it's not impossible, it's just difficult. BHM is just another way that Americans allow racism to persist. We have no white history month, no Jewish history month, no hispanic history month, and that's because nobody needs one.
Celebrate your American heritage every day of every month of every year.
Why would I say this? No basis of fact? No supporting argument? Just wait.
The purpose of black history month (hereafter known as BHM) is to what? Make things fair after that whole slavery thing, as sort of an apology, a making amends? Is it to increase knowledge of the injustices in their past in people of other races? Neither of these seem like a good reason to me, or to Morgan Freeman (and he's black). Watch this clip, and then let's talk some more.
Black history is American history. Well said Mr. Freeman. Here's the thing everybody. Y'all want to get rid of racism. I think we can all agree that this is a worthy goal. Stop perpetuating it by segregating the months. Stop calling each other black and white. For those of you who are black, stop calling each other "niggers." If it is insulting when those of other races call you that, it should be just as insulting coming out of the mouth of one of your "brothers." Stop talking about how "the man" is holding you down, you hold yourself down. Racism is perpetuated by YOU and you don't even want to see it, because it's easier to blame white people for something that happened over a hundred years ago. It's easier to say that someone else is holding you back than to get off your lazy asses, get off welfare, and get a job and an education.
Yes, I understand that it is a hard life in homes located in the ghetto where you have abusive parents, and bad things happening all around you, but it's not impossible, it's just difficult. BHM is just another way that Americans allow racism to persist. We have no white history month, no Jewish history month, no hispanic history month, and that's because nobody needs one.
Celebrate your American heritage every day of every month of every year.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Post-Grad
I just got my first post-grad job offer. Wow. I was surprised (pleasantly), but it has really made me think about what is going to happen after I graduate.
I have one year left at school. Next year I'll be going to career fairs, researching potential employers, writing a resume`, or maybe even writing a business plan for my own business. Maybe I'll stay here. Maybe I'll move back east closer to home, or maybe I will even move back in with my parents. I might be married, but most likely I'll still be single. I know it's a long way off, but...
At one point, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. A journalist. Then I realized I loved radio, the production, writing, editing, it fascinated me and I knew that's what I wanted to do. After that, I discovered that I love planning things, parties, concerts, and I knew for sure that I wanted to be an event planner. Now that I'm getting so close to the end of this chapter in my life called college, I am realizing that I have no idea what I want to do for certain. There's so much that I want to do and I can't possibly decide!
I want to write a book. I want to have a podcast. I want to start my own event planning business. I want to live in a big city. I want to travel. I want to open a bookstore in England. I want to teach children in other countries how to speak English. I want to have a job that I love! I want to fall in love.
When we were little it was so easy to talk about the things you wanted to do, what you wanted to be when you grew up. It was easy because it was so far away. Although I still have a year, that's not so far away anymore. I can't change my mind as easily as I could when I was a child. I have to decide. I have to decide in the next year. Don't I?
I have one year left at school. Next year I'll be going to career fairs, researching potential employers, writing a resume`, or maybe even writing a business plan for my own business. Maybe I'll stay here. Maybe I'll move back east closer to home, or maybe I will even move back in with my parents. I might be married, but most likely I'll still be single. I know it's a long way off, but...
At one point, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. A journalist. Then I realized I loved radio, the production, writing, editing, it fascinated me and I knew that's what I wanted to do. After that, I discovered that I love planning things, parties, concerts, and I knew for sure that I wanted to be an event planner. Now that I'm getting so close to the end of this chapter in my life called college, I am realizing that I have no idea what I want to do for certain. There's so much that I want to do and I can't possibly decide!
I want to write a book. I want to have a podcast. I want to start my own event planning business. I want to live in a big city. I want to travel. I want to open a bookstore in England. I want to teach children in other countries how to speak English. I want to have a job that I love! I want to fall in love.
When we were little it was so easy to talk about the things you wanted to do, what you wanted to be when you grew up. It was easy because it was so far away. Although I still have a year, that's not so far away anymore. I can't change my mind as easily as I could when I was a child. I have to decide. I have to decide in the next year. Don't I?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
This morning...
I woke up feeling like this:
Not good. I know I'm not the only one who has been here. You wake up, and you're sick. You weigh your options and there is no way in hell that you could possibly stay in bed, skip classes, and not show up for work. You have things to do. Lots of them, and despite feeling like you (as well as everyone around you) would benefit greatly by staying home today, you simply cannot.
So I got out of bed. I did my make up even. Got dressed (a big deal when you'd rather just wear sweats all day) and rushed out the door only to find that it had snowed again last night. I brushed off my car and started driving to school. I got all the way to the school parking lot where I discovered that if I wanted a spot I would have to park nearly a mile from school (the wind was also blowing pretty hard), and then I remembered that I forgot keys I needed, I didn't pack a lunch, forgot ibuprofen and (brace yourself for too much information) extra tampons.
I turned myself right around and came back home where I am now. Skipped my first class. I'll go back for work, and the project I need to work on today for school, but I still don't feel well, and I wish I could just start this day over again. Who's with me?
(Added at the end of the day): After I got back to school, work was super fun. Five hours worth. Before going to work on my film project, the little part on your zipper that you pull cam completely off my pants three hours before I could go home. Wonderful. My SD card struggled, the studio door was locked, and thus, my day did not get any better from where I left off. Definitely should have stayed in bed.
Monday, January 31, 2011
My creative streak
Remember a month ago when I was really down on myself for having no creativity? Well, I've found something that will be a great creative project for me for the next year or so. I'm going to write a book.
Self-publish if I must, but publish it I will. It's going to be an LDS dating how-to book for men. I feel like I am perfectly qualified to write about this subject. As a woman, I've got the inside scoop on what they're doing right, and what they're doing wrong. I'm a communication major, so that means I know a lot about body language, interpersonal relationships, and persuasion. I've also had plenty of personal experience in the dating field and those are some of the reasons I feel confident about this.
I'm really excited to have a creative project like this. Also, how cool would it be to write a book? Pretty cool I'm thinking.
Plus, these guys need all the help they can get.
Self-publish if I must, but publish it I will. It's going to be an LDS dating how-to book for men. I feel like I am perfectly qualified to write about this subject. As a woman, I've got the inside scoop on what they're doing right, and what they're doing wrong. I'm a communication major, so that means I know a lot about body language, interpersonal relationships, and persuasion. I've also had plenty of personal experience in the dating field and those are some of the reasons I feel confident about this.
I'm really excited to have a creative project like this. Also, how cool would it be to write a book? Pretty cool I'm thinking.
Plus, these guys need all the help they can get.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Packing anxiety
Imagine this (all too familiar scenario):
You're going away next week for a vacation. Or maybe it's just a weekend trip. Either way, you are packing bags. Toothbrush, socks, clean underwear, deodorant (very important)...it looks like you've got everything. Maybe even more than you will need for just a couple days.
Here's what happens next. About ten minutes after you finish packing, the anxiety kicks in. What did I forget? I really feel like I'm forgetting something! You open your bag again, circle your apartment and look for anything that you might be leaving out. I just know I'm going to leave something and then remember it two hours down the road... You run through your weekend mentally, the whole time mentally checking off the things you packed. And yet... Ah! What the heck am I forgetting?
This happens to me whenever I travel. I just have the nagging feeling that I will arrive at my destination and remember that I left something very important behind. Something that can't be borrowed from a friend, or easily replaced at Wal-green's. Making lists doesn't help.
This weekend I'm leaving town. I'm all packed. I've got everything. I think...
Am I the only one? Leave a comment.
You're going away next week for a vacation. Or maybe it's just a weekend trip. Either way, you are packing bags. Toothbrush, socks, clean underwear, deodorant (very important)...it looks like you've got everything. Maybe even more than you will need for just a couple days.
Here's what happens next. About ten minutes after you finish packing, the anxiety kicks in. What did I forget? I really feel like I'm forgetting something! You open your bag again, circle your apartment and look for anything that you might be leaving out. I just know I'm going to leave something and then remember it two hours down the road... You run through your weekend mentally, the whole time mentally checking off the things you packed. And yet... Ah! What the heck am I forgetting?
This happens to me whenever I travel. I just have the nagging feeling that I will arrive at my destination and remember that I left something very important behind. Something that can't be borrowed from a friend, or easily replaced at Wal-green's. Making lists doesn't help.
This weekend I'm leaving town. I'm all packed. I've got everything. I think...
Am I the only one? Leave a comment.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Fail Spectacularly
Dear non-existent reader,
Yes. I have changed the name of my blog as well as the URL. Don't panic! Change is good. Let me take this time to answer some questions you may have.
Why?! Why did you change the title?! While Extraordinarily Ordinary was a clever title, I feel like Fail Spectacularly is a much more accurate description of my life. It is not only the way I would describe my life, but the way I would describe my aspirations for my life?
Are you saying that you aspire to fail? No. I am saying that I aspire to fail SPECTACULARLY.
What does that even mean, Brenna? Well, anyone can fail. Not everyone fails spectacularly.
You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. Also, you didn't even answer the previous question. By spectacularly I don't mean that you are necessarily "going out with a bang." What I mean is that you can either fail and then grab the Ben and Jerry's, tweet about your problems, and essentially learn nothing, or you can shake it off. Look at the experience more like just that, an experience, rather than a failure. It isn't a failure if you learn something, or if it becomes a great story to tell at parties. This is what it means to fail spectacularly. Dwelling on something is the quickest way to make your awesome failure fizzle out and become a wasted opportunity. It's not a failure. It's an opportunity. (Ooo that's good.) Remember that.
So what does this mean for the future of the blog? Not a lot. It might direct my thinking a little differently, but for the most part things will stay the same. ALTHOUGH, as I re-read my first post on this blog I noticed that I promised a lot more variety in topics and multi-media embedded in my blog which hasn't really happened, so I will try to incorporate a little more of that.
One last thing, you do realize you're talking to yourself right? Yes. I don't mind. Talking to myself is the most intelligent conversation I get all day.
Well thank you! I'm flattered.
Yes. I have changed the name of my blog as well as the URL. Don't panic! Change is good. Let me take this time to answer some questions you may have.
Why?! Why did you change the title?! While Extraordinarily Ordinary was a clever title, I feel like Fail Spectacularly is a much more accurate description of my life. It is not only the way I would describe my life, but the way I would describe my aspirations for my life?
Are you saying that you aspire to fail? No. I am saying that I aspire to fail SPECTACULARLY.
What does that even mean, Brenna? Well, anyone can fail. Not everyone fails spectacularly.
You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. Also, you didn't even answer the previous question. By spectacularly I don't mean that you are necessarily "going out with a bang." What I mean is that you can either fail and then grab the Ben and Jerry's, tweet about your problems, and essentially learn nothing, or you can shake it off. Look at the experience more like just that, an experience, rather than a failure. It isn't a failure if you learn something, or if it becomes a great story to tell at parties. This is what it means to fail spectacularly. Dwelling on something is the quickest way to make your awesome failure fizzle out and become a wasted opportunity. It's not a failure. It's an opportunity. (Ooo that's good.) Remember that.
So what does this mean for the future of the blog? Not a lot. It might direct my thinking a little differently, but for the most part things will stay the same. ALTHOUGH, as I re-read my first post on this blog I noticed that I promised a lot more variety in topics and multi-media embedded in my blog which hasn't really happened, so I will try to incorporate a little more of that.
One last thing, you do realize you're talking to yourself right? Yes. I don't mind. Talking to myself is the most intelligent conversation I get all day.
Well thank you! I'm flattered.
Friday, January 21, 2011
It's one of those days
Ever wish you could just crawl back into bed and restart with a smile on your face...but you don't?
Ever know that you're going to be grumpy all day and there's no amount of ice cream that change that?
Do you ever feel irritated by every little thing that happens to you? I do. Today in fact.
The real question is, how do I get myself out of this funk? I know that my mom hates listening to me complain and yet I do it anyway. Even now as I'm writing this, I know that this isn't anything anybody would actually want to read, but I don't care.
Question? Oh yes! How do I get myself out of this funk? I have plenty of ideas. I'm resistant to all of them. Deep down, maybe I like having days like this. Or do I?
Question. Right. Here is a list of things for you to try when you feel the way I'm feeling right now.
1. Stab someone in the eye. Doesn't matter who it is. The first person you see will do, or you could use this as a chance for revenge on the barista who got your coffee order wrong this morning. Either way.
2. Crawl back into bed and live on a diet of ice cream for a day. (And none of that low-fat, sugar-free crap.)
3. NCMO (otherwise known as a non-commital make-out) "you need kissing badly."
4. Buy something with your credit card. Preferably something you do not need and will never use.
5. If all of the above suggestions fail, blog about your problems. But only do this when you've already tried the other four suggestions.
Alright. Fine. Maybe those aren't the best ways to handle your feelings (but you didn't point that out to me, I came to that realization on my own!) Here are some slightly more realistic, though completely stupid and cliche` ideas for you.
1. Make up your mind to be happy. Your circumstances don't determine your mood. You do.
2. Get the junk off your to-do list by actually doing it. Then you won't have those things hanging over your head.
3. Do something just for you. It's okay to be a little bit selfish here. Don't think about what anyone else wants and just do something for yourself.
4. Think less about what matters less. That barista who got your order wrong? It's just coffee. Put it behind you and move on.
5. Smile. You'd be surprised what you can do for yourself by putting a smile on. How you feel on the outside will change how you feel on the inside. If you don't feel like smiling, then fake it till you make it.
And there you go. Suggestions for changing your day around. Happy Friday!
Ever know that you're going to be grumpy all day and there's no amount of ice cream that change that?
Do you ever feel irritated by every little thing that happens to you? I do. Today in fact.
The real question is, how do I get myself out of this funk? I know that my mom hates listening to me complain and yet I do it anyway. Even now as I'm writing this, I know that this isn't anything anybody would actually want to read, but I don't care.
Question? Oh yes! How do I get myself out of this funk? I have plenty of ideas. I'm resistant to all of them. Deep down, maybe I like having days like this. Or do I?
Question. Right. Here is a list of things for you to try when you feel the way I'm feeling right now.
1. Stab someone in the eye. Doesn't matter who it is. The first person you see will do, or you could use this as a chance for revenge on the barista who got your coffee order wrong this morning. Either way.
2. Crawl back into bed and live on a diet of ice cream for a day. (And none of that low-fat, sugar-free crap.)
3. NCMO (otherwise known as a non-commital make-out) "you need kissing badly."
4. Buy something with your credit card. Preferably something you do not need and will never use.
5. If all of the above suggestions fail, blog about your problems. But only do this when you've already tried the other four suggestions.
Alright. Fine. Maybe those aren't the best ways to handle your feelings (but you didn't point that out to me, I came to that realization on my own!) Here are some slightly more realistic, though completely stupid and cliche` ideas for you.
1. Make up your mind to be happy. Your circumstances don't determine your mood. You do.
2. Get the junk off your to-do list by actually doing it. Then you won't have those things hanging over your head.
3. Do something just for you. It's okay to be a little bit selfish here. Don't think about what anyone else wants and just do something for yourself.
4. Think less about what matters less. That barista who got your order wrong? It's just coffee. Put it behind you and move on.
5. Smile. You'd be surprised what you can do for yourself by putting a smile on. How you feel on the outside will change how you feel on the inside. If you don't feel like smiling, then fake it till you make it.
And there you go. Suggestions for changing your day around. Happy Friday!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Boys, dating, and sex. Oh my!
Well. Well, well, well.
I will do my best not speak negatively of boys in this post.
I have found that dating sounds simple in theory, but is in fact, rather difficult.
Take my roommate for example. She picks up boys at the bar, is twitterpated and utterly blind to all flaws for a few days, and then something goes wrong (big surprise) and she is completely devastated until she can get to the bar again and meet a new guy. This self-destructive pattern has been happening since I met her. She doesn't seem to realize that if she keeps dating the same type of guys and giving away sex like free pretzels, she will never get out of this cycle that only ends in misery for her and an "oh yeah..." for said boy.
Then there's me. Boys seldom ask for my phone number. Last week, one boy did. A football player in one of my classes. Tall, dark, and sexy, and of course I was thrilled when he approached me while I was at lunch with my friends in the rotunda. Over the course of the weekend however, although we didn't spend any time together, I discovered something about him that I knew he was interested in all along, but had hoped he wasn't. Let's just say he expressed orally his desires. Of course I turned him down, this isn't the first time I've faced such pressure, and although I am a little disappointed, it's nothing to ruin my day, or even my week.
Just because things didn't work out with this one boy doesn't mean that all men are pigs, or that it is even entirely all their fault (though they do share much of the blame), because we aren't naive and should be able to spot these types of men right away by now.
Boys and dating can be hard things.
And that's what she said.
I will do my best not speak negatively of boys in this post.
I have found that dating sounds simple in theory, but is in fact, rather difficult.
Take my roommate for example. She picks up boys at the bar, is twitterpated and utterly blind to all flaws for a few days, and then something goes wrong (big surprise) and she is completely devastated until she can get to the bar again and meet a new guy. This self-destructive pattern has been happening since I met her. She doesn't seem to realize that if she keeps dating the same type of guys and giving away sex like free pretzels, she will never get out of this cycle that only ends in misery for her and an "oh yeah..." for said boy.
Then there's me. Boys seldom ask for my phone number. Last week, one boy did. A football player in one of my classes. Tall, dark, and sexy, and of course I was thrilled when he approached me while I was at lunch with my friends in the rotunda. Over the course of the weekend however, although we didn't spend any time together, I discovered something about him that I knew he was interested in all along, but had hoped he wasn't. Let's just say he expressed orally his desires. Of course I turned him down, this isn't the first time I've faced such pressure, and although I am a little disappointed, it's nothing to ruin my day, or even my week.
Just because things didn't work out with this one boy doesn't mean that all men are pigs, or that it is even entirely all their fault (though they do share much of the blame), because we aren't naive and should be able to spot these types of men right away by now.
Boys and dating can be hard things.
And that's what she said.
Monday, January 17, 2011
The one where I realize I use my blog to complain about my life
So. New post. And I'm warning you that there might be a little bit of whining about my life. I mean contemplating.
Today, I realize that although I am learning a lot and picking up new skills and doing new things, I wish I could be someone else. Not someone else in general, but particular. It's a girl who goes to my school. She has lots of friends, is super pretty, has great hair, is constantly doing new things, doing volunteer work, and most notably--is the girlfriend of a boy I really wanted for my own. So I wished I could be her.
And then I got to thinking. Why can't I just be happy with being myself? I can see all the wonderful things about other people, but when it comes to seeing those unique qualities in myself, I am completely blind. Why do I always make awesome plans about all the awesome things I'm going to do so that one day I will be awesome, and then never act on those plans from day to day? I spend so much time wishing I was someone else, or wishing I was the me in the future instead of taking action to make myself that person.
I will never become that person if I don't act daily. For example, I have an enormous list of books I want to read, but I instead of spending my evenings pouring over the pages of classic literature, I turn on the TV and tune into its alluring glare and superficial reality shows.
That ends now.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Here we go again
Today was the first day of school. I actually was so nervous this morning that I became nauseous and almost threw up.
It's a new year, I've got a new job, and I feel like a new me. I think 2011 is going to be my year. My year for success, for love, for creating, for learning, and for living. I am thoroughly excited for the challenges and adventures awaiting me in the coming 355 days.
I've made goals and resolutions and I am determined to improve myself and learn a lot about the things I want to learn about. I will do less of what matters less and de-clutter my life. I will exercise and eat healthy. I will love myself the way I am.
This was a great first day. Another thing (or ten things really) that I'm trying to do daily will, I think, make every day a great day. The list of ten things can be found here: http://www.getorganizedwizard.com/articles/10-things-to-do-every-day-a-prescription-for-happiness-personal-organization/
I love this list. Check it out. The things are simple but make a dramatic improvement.
Have a happy 2011!
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