Weekend Blues

The first week of school is over. It's the first real weekend without Jarom. Honestly, I didn't miss him too much during the week. I thought about him, but I didn't really have time to miss him, I was always moving on to the next thing.

It's now barely the weekend and I am feeling so depressed.  Went to a comedian tonight. She was wonderful, but laughing felt like a chore. It was heavy, and when I forced myself to laugh in hopes to "fake it till ya make it", it felt unnatural and uncomfortable.  So I stopped. No laughing for me. On the car ride over to my friend Melissa's house, music was playing, but singing was wrong. It just felt wrong. I couldn't bring myself to sing. That's a happy thing.  I felt hungry for something that I didn't have, and probably wouldn't even know what it was if I saw it anyway.  It seems that there is a gaping hole in my life. A hole that can only be filled by Jarom. Everything felt wrong tonight because it could only have been right with him beside me.

I got into my car and I cried. Not just cried. I sobbed. Loudly. To myself because there is no one to share my feelings with.  The whole way to the store I cried and wondered out loud about the possible ways around this.  There were few, and even those were extremely improbable. There is no way out of this. I feel completely trapped.  Like I'm a hostage being held here against my will.

How can I possibly make it through this? One week down fifteen more to go. And then there's spring semester.

Day 4 Without you

Dear Jarom,

Today was a good day. The best part was our Skype session. Although we had more than a couple technical difficulties, it proved to me that maybe this long distance thing won't be as bad as I thought it would be.  I liked being able to see all your goofy faces and hear your voice.  As ridiculous as it is that is has only been 4 days, I miss you so much. More than I ever thought I could miss another person. We're gonna make it through this.

Brenna

PS I love you more

Day 2 Without you

Dear Jarom,

Things were slightly better today. I didn't miss you any less, but not so many things went wrong.  I feel like a piece of me is missing. Not just a piece, but a huge part of myself.  I can't wait to get that part of me back. I can't wait to have you back.

Day 1 Without You

Dear Jarom,

Today is the first day in this town without you.  It was a rough day. The first of many I suppose.  I miss you so much already.  I have been so busy, but every moment I have had to stop and think is a moment that brings me back to you.  I haven't cried. Much. Not as much as I thought I would. I don't think it has quite hit me yet that you are no longer a twenty-five minute drive. I feel so melancholy and I don't have much of an appetite. Each thing that has gone wrong today I blame on your absence.  "If Jarom were with me this wouldn't be happening" is what I have been saying all day.  I am surrounded by friends tonight, but yet I feel lonely.  I keep reminding myself that it's eight months till the rest of eternity and it helps to stave off the tears.

I love you.
Brenna