This was the phrase I heard over and over again yesterday. I was in a car accident. A lady of about 55 named Bertina hit my car. She seemed to come out over nowhere and before I knew it, glass from my driver's side window was everywhere. It happened so fast, but it also seemed to move in slow motion. I couldn't believe what had just happened to me.
I still maintain that it was definitely her fault, but I'm the one who was issued a citation, got the worst damage and only have liability insurance. I can't afford the repairs on my car. Luckily, my dad, though also poor, always comes to my rescue and is paying for the damages done to my car, which you can see in this picture.
I was quite distraught and I am still in shock over the whole situation. It doesn't even seem real. I'm sore but I'm mostly concerned about my car. My first thoughts after being hit were about how much it would cost. I'm not sure I even thought about how lucky we were that we were okay. I didn't even ask my friend seated in the passenger seat if she was okay. I didn't see it as fortunate that we were unharmed. I could only think about the money. It's sort of disturbing. I don't know. Sorry my thoughts are everywhere, I think I'm still a little shaken up about it.
Today is my 21st birthday. It's a little hard to believe actually. I've come a long way, had a lot of adventures, made a lot of friends, made a lot of mistakes, had a lot of success, and here I am. An adult. Wow.
21 things I am thankful for:
21. Birthdays. What could be better than a day all about me? Or you, if it's your birthday. But mostly I like my birthday.
20. Springtime. After winter, I sure am grateful for spring.
19. Kitchens. It was a tough time without you dearest kitchen while I lived in Juniper and had to eat at the caf every day even when I was already sick, but we have been reunited and I swear I'll never leave you again.
18. Karaoke machines. Thank you for giving me and my roommates some good times. A special thank you to Carly Simon's "You're so Vain."
17. Pictures. What a great way to preserve memories and provide some laughs on your 21st birthday when you consider all of the terrible haircuts you've had through the years.
16. I'd like to say a special thank you to staples and staplers. Thank you for the many years of holding my papers together.
15. The south. Everything about the south is awesome. (Sorry to those of you who aren't southern, we can't all be awesome.)
14. I am thankful for air. I can honestly say that I wouldn't be here without it.
13. Purses. What a wonderful things! And they're pretty :)
12. My cellphone. I know what you're thinking! But I really wouldn't have been able to survive without it! 2000 miles from home, breaking down (twice on the freeway...in Utah), and getting lost are just a few of the reasons that my phone is so great!
11. The lightbulb. Thank you Mr. Edison for contributing to my education and happiness with this wonderful invention.
10. Soap. Thank you for keeping me clean and smelling yummy. I wouldn't have had any dates if it weren't for soap ;)
9. Chocolate. Nuff said.
8. Gerard Butler. Thank you for being the object of desire for me and my friends for many years now. Also for taking your shirt off a lot.
7. My planner. Yes, I'm a nerd, but I can't survive without my planner!
6. Music!
5. Cake. Yes, I think I would be ungrateful if I didn't mention it. Thanks for getting me through some hard times, Cake.
4. My car. Dear Roxanne, although we've only known each other for a short time, I am so grateful for you! My car and I have been through a lot together. We're even similar to each other, she has a lot of issues, she keeps going until she completely breaks down and then keeps going some more, likes to travel, kinda noisy, and is always drawing attention to herself (good and bad.)
3. Learning. It's so important! And regardless of what I may have thought about school when I was younger, it is actually a lot of fun (although, admittedly, hard work).
2. Friends. Past and present. Good and bad. Y'all have made me who I am today.
1. My family. I couldn't have made it this far without them. They've always been there for me and built me up when I didn't feel like I could carry on. Thank you all so much!
I woke up and she was just lying on her back on the bottom of the bowl. Not moving. I couldn't get her to move either so for those of you doubting that she's actually dead because she wasn't belly up on the top of the bowl, you are wrong. She's dead.
I don't know whether to make jokes about it or be terribly terribly sad. I know she's just a fish, but she was my only companion through a lot of the most challenging of my college experiences.
The real question though is whether or not I should buy a new one. I've been through three animal deaths since coming to college (not to mention the poor little squirrel I hit on the way back from Grandma's house). That's like one a year. Should I even bother? I do like pets. I did like feeding her every day and watching her swim happily around her little bowl while I did homework.
I went to a wedding this past weekend for one of my closest friends. I smiled, congratulated, complimented, laughed, and did all the things you're supposed to do. No matter how hard I tried however, I couldn't possibly make myself feel the way inside that I expressed on the outside.
I felt so bitter. So frustrated. But these feelings weren't directed toward the bride or the groom. I wasn't bitter that she was the one getting married and I wasn't. I was frustrated because I was still single. And that isn't even it either. I am fine being single. I love it actually. I have all the time I want for me and my interests and I don't have to schedule myself around another person. I don't have to feel guilty for being too busy to spend time with them. I'm not tied down. I can check out guys and not have to worry about upsetting a boyfriend.
So why do I feel bitter about this? Okay, how do I put this without criticizing men as a group? I am happy being single until one of two types of guys come along.
1. He's a complete douche. And that's not criticizing men as a group. Some guys are like this, and I'm treating them as individuals. They play games. Games that I'm forced to play along with even though I know their intentions are less than honorable. Even though I know they're a minority, they make me lose a little faith in men in general and I'm sick of dealing with them.
2. He's a great guy, one in a million, and we have so much in common. I hope for the best. It doesn't happen. I worry that there are only a limited number of men like this, I am let down when it doesn't work out, and I'm sick of dealing with the situation.
I hate going through these cycles. That's why I am bitter. Men: leave me alone. I love being single and it probably won't work out anyway. I was fine until y'all came along.
Okay, obviously I'm not black, but this month is shoved in everybody's faces no matter what color your skin is. What I am about to say may offend a lot of people, but I don't care. It's as simple as that. Black History month is stupid.
Why would I say this? No basis of fact? No supporting argument? Just wait.
The purpose of black history month (hereafter known as BHM) is to what? Make things fair after that whole slavery thing, as sort of an apology, a making amends? Is it to increase knowledge of the injustices in their past in people of other races? Neither of these seem like a good reason to me, or to Morgan Freeman (and he's black). Watch this clip, and then let's talk some more.
Black history is American history. Well said Mr. Freeman. Here's the thing everybody. Y'all want to get rid of racism. I think we can all agree that this is a worthy goal. Stop perpetuating it by segregating the months. Stop calling each other black and white. For those of you who are black, stop calling each other "niggers." If it is insulting when those of other races call you that, it should be just as insulting coming out of the mouth of one of your "brothers." Stop talking about how "the man" is holding you down, you hold yourself down. Racism is perpetuated by YOU and you don't even want to see it, because it's easier to blame white people for something that happened over a hundred years ago. It's easier to say that someone else is holding you back than to get off your lazy asses, get off welfare, and get a job and an education.
Yes, I understand that it is a hard life in homes located in the ghetto where you have abusive parents, and bad things happening all around you, but it's not impossible, it's just difficult. BHM is just another way that Americans allow racism to persist. We have no white history month, no Jewish history month, no hispanic history month, and that's because nobody needs one.
Celebrate your American heritage every day of every month of every year.
I just got my first post-grad job offer. Wow. I was surprised (pleasantly), but it has really made me think about what is going to happen after I graduate.
I have one year left at school. Next year I'll be going to career fairs, researching potential employers, writing a resume`, or maybe even writing a business plan for my own business. Maybe I'll stay here. Maybe I'll move back east closer to home, or maybe I will even move back in with my parents. I might be married, but most likely I'll still be single. I know it's a long way off, but...
At one point, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. A journalist. Then I realized I loved radio, the production, writing, editing, it fascinated me and I knew that's what I wanted to do. After that, I discovered that I love planning things, parties, concerts, and I knew for sure that I wanted to be an event planner. Now that I'm getting so close to the end of this chapter in my life called college, I am realizing that I have no idea what I want to do for certain. There's so much that I want to do and I can't possibly decide!
I want to write a book. I want to have a podcast. I want to start my own event planning business. I want to live in a big city. I want to travel. I want to open a bookstore in England. I want to teach children in other countries how to speak English. I want to have a job that I love! I want to fall in love.
When we were little it was so easy to talk about the things you wanted to do, what you wanted to be when you grew up. It was easy because it was so far away. Although I still have a year, that's not so far away anymore. I can't change my mind as easily as I could when I was a child. I have to decide. I have to decide in the next year. Don't I?
Not good. I know I'm not the only one who has been here. You wake up, and you're sick. You weigh your options and there is no way in hell that you could possibly stay in bed, skip classes, and not show up for work. You have things to do. Lots of them, and despite feeling like you (as well as everyone around you) would benefit greatly by staying home today, you simply cannot.
So I got out of bed. I did my make up even. Got dressed (a big deal when you'd rather just wear sweats all day) and rushed out the door only to find that it had snowed again last night. I brushed off my car and started driving to school. I got all the way to the school parking lot where I discovered that if I wanted a spot I would have to park nearly a mile from school (the wind was also blowing pretty hard), and then I remembered that I forgot keys I needed, I didn't pack a lunch, forgot ibuprofen and (brace yourself for too much information) extra tampons.
I turned myself right around and came back home where I am now. Skipped my first class. I'll go back for work, and the project I need to work on today for school, but I still don't feel well, and I wish I could just start this day over again. Who's with me?
(Added at the end of the day): After I got back to school, work was super fun. Five hours worth. Before going to work on my film project, the little part on your zipper that you pull cam completely off my pants three hours before I could go home. Wonderful. My SD card struggled, the studio door was locked, and thus, my day did not get any better from where I left off. Definitely should have stayed in bed.
