I went to a wedding this past weekend for one of my closest friends. I smiled, congratulated, complimented, laughed, and did all the things you're supposed to do. No matter how hard I tried however, I couldn't possibly make myself feel the way inside that I expressed on the outside.
I felt so bitter. So frustrated. But these feelings weren't directed toward the bride or the groom. I wasn't bitter that she was the one getting married and I wasn't. I was frustrated because I was still single. And that isn't even it either. I am fine being single. I love it actually. I have all the time I want for me and my interests and I don't have to schedule myself around another person. I don't have to feel guilty for being too busy to spend time with them. I'm not tied down. I can check out guys and not have to worry about upsetting a boyfriend.
So why do I feel bitter about this? Okay, how do I put this without criticizing men as a group? I am happy being single until one of two types of guys come along.
1. He's a complete douche. And that's not criticizing men as a group. Some guys are like this, and I'm treating them as individuals. They play games. Games that I'm forced to play along with even though I know their intentions are less than honorable. Even though I know they're a minority, they make me lose a little faith in men in general and I'm sick of dealing with them.
2. He's a great guy, one in a million, and we have so much in common. I hope for the best. It doesn't happen. I worry that there are only a limited number of men like this, I am let down when it doesn't work out, and I'm sick of dealing with the situation.
I hate going through these cycles. That's why I am bitter. Men: leave me alone. I love being single and it probably won't work out anyway. I was fine until y'all came along.
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